- (Supplement) - Middle-Elementary School-age diary reprinting past

Knife (20060922)

Come home from elementary school, a friend of my mother mother and two people were drinking. My mother was a temperate man.While the children, I felt uncomfortable at the sight. Different than usual air. Always different from the mother's laughter.My mother suggested the beer to me.Mother's cheerful and always different, rather than refuse to air somewhere that you are gloomy, beer was the mouth.But, I put the beer into the mouth nigga in the mouth of a child clause and sugar.Mothers are such a laugh at me. I remember with a relieved heart, somewhere.However, did not drink beer, even though it puts the sugar much.

After a while, the friend of the mother is replaced with me to make, I will come back. I came back that has been around a while brother.From the bottom of the foot mother had been a sit, take out a knife and said that was wrapped in newspaper then ~Tsu.Some mothers die from killing the father, "When he comes back, Dad, you guys went to the next room,No matter what, I not supposed come out.Then, father and mother also died, the money is not supposed to pass it to anyone.I'm going to live happily with two people. Said. "We are brother and sister, then was stopped literally cry. To hear such talk, if a child will stop.How do you feel or fills in, as you would expect. . .

My father came home. Sister and brother as we hest mother, has been moved to the next room as it is.Mother is abusive father voice was echoed at the same time.Gangangan! Dondondon! Bam! Kick ass!Boos and curse each other of the parents, sound body meat of damaged goods and violently.We are two siblings who had been heard crying while trembling embraced them."The Father 's children? What would you do if" and the wordRemember, the word "? Wonder everyone ー bad! Teme Utsuse" mother.

Sound dark, sister and brother we went to see how their mother left the room.Then, my father jumped on top of the mother will be suppressed, kitchen knife was lying towards the mother's hand fell from the hands of the mother.Sister and brother were crying with us to cling to his father, "You stop it!" No, not with.If the mother had been knocked out in front of your eyes. Not bad, either ("good,In the eyes of a child may go into it all in an instant. )Both of the parents, beaten beat each other, repeating to each other was rough breath.I said that like his father say "I release the hand, and the other, is that stupid? I do not use" and my mother.My mother was Abaredashi fury, and "!'m Stupid that stupid thing?" What is.But then a little, my mother's mother rushed, has switched to discussion in reversal.After a while from now, parents had a divorce.

As an aside.The father is having an affair, and will not be able to withstand my mother, my mother drunk a glass of the entrance with a batThere was a thing or smashed, get into fights flashy.I heard it had been my father is not only Mahjong, also other gambling, and the large amounts of debt in the family well, and I had a mother with narrow shoulders.My mother was so people who do not cook much, my father simply grilled fish and natto come out,"Today! I feast" was pleased with the home.Of the week, about half are eating out, eating properly after what is in the house to pieces was the obvious home.Had said that instead of the father working mother does not work.I always had to say at home, and do not want to do housework, the laundry maid cleaning me since I was a grade 2-3 elementary school is now so you come.In the rice surplus to a maid, you may got to make fried rice.Very delicious, I remember was feeling very sad.Mother at home, make homemade food, theCold tofu, grated yam, natto was about sukiyaki, grilled salmon, grilled ginger-butter Steak grilled fish.Still, concern than happy that 2 or 3 times a month, eat only at most about five times because there was not, a maid who is making the rice, sad somewhere.Sometimes, you have to remember a different maid, and had me make a rice ball in a rice surplus,It also I remember a clogged breast very delicious, very much makes me want to cry Yappari.
***************************
Considerable interaction with the mother-in-here-a few days, because they've exhausted
More of the diary could not read past-exactly-,,,


I think, they are also, from calm, and he must carefully Saru and Categories • The background and description



With it, I have become unable to handle without newspapers and other travel-
"Information in real time"-still-in attendant-is-it also
Including such as "life history"-in real-time
As "(one-of data), one of the axis and time come in handy"-very-distant future
And information of the current as much as possible-now
Because you know, absolutely, If you do not see, and regret it,,,


Once,,,
As in their shutdown, the "Information", for 20 years,,,
Repentance, but he has not been
> The self-judgment at that time


But now is his-
And was a child-of-your-ji Temple is different-
> • The "Information in real-time now?"-Even if it somewhat unreasonable
You need, how-
Now that I quit, Hikikomoru,,, only because I think-it-in ready,,,


Without entering the head-
Has become, even to just look through
I leave, from the "Information of now?"-Is-still I do not,,,




This is,,,
As we will be saved-even a little-children-are suffering from bullying and abuse right now,,,
Adult Children of everyone-is suffering, still,,, even a little, as we will be saved,,,
********************************
(Supplement)

About 3 times today to my mother? Is not known-only
Today or yesterday,
Most often, each other, yell at each other, there was no

But today I break my blog and mother-
Rice, abandonment? I had been (laughs

If you try to eat Peyangu-
-Tentatively
"Do you want me to have Thai rice?" Mother
"(Somewhat larger), but if you use hot water boil. Eat. Peyangu say?"-I
· "My mother does not say Ira. To-eat (the day before yesterday), rice cooked in beef bowl-later"

編集を取り消す

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

 

包丁　 　　　（20060922）

小学校から帰って来ると、母と母の友人が二人、お酒を飲んでいました。母は下戸でした。
子供ながらに、その光景に違和感を感じていました。いつもと違う空気。いつもと違う母親の笑い声。
母が私にビールを勧めました。
いつもと違う母親の陽気で、どこか陰鬱としている空気に拒めなく、ビールを口にしました。
けれど、子供の口にビールはニガく、砂糖を入れて口をつけました。
母たちはそんな私を笑っています。どこか、心がホッとしたのを覚えています。
ですが、いくら砂糖を入れてもビールは飲めませんでした。

しばらくすると、母の友人は私と入れ替わるようにして、帰ってしまいました。弟がしばらくして戻って来ました。
すると母が正座をしていた足の下から、新聞紙に包まった包丁を取り出して言いました。
「　お父さんを殺してお母さんも死ぬから、お父さんが帰ってきたら、お前たちは隣の部屋へ行き、
　なにがあっても、出てきちゃいけないよ。
　　それから、お父さんとお母さんが死んでも、お金は誰にも渡しちゃいけないよ。
　　二人で仲良く生きていくんだよ。　」と言いました。
私たち姉弟は、文字通り大泣きをしてとめました。そんな話を聞けば、子供ならとめるでしょう。
どんな気持ちで一杯になるか、判るでしょう。。。

父が帰って来ました。私たち姉弟は母の言いつけ通り、そのまま隣の部屋に移されました。
同時に母が父を罵倒する声が響き渡りました。
ガンガンガン！ドンドンドン！ドスン！ガツン！
父母の互いを罵倒する罵声と、激しく物や体の肉が傷つけられる音。
それらを私たち姉弟は二人、抱き合いながら震えながら泣きながら聞いていました。
父の「　子供たちはどうするんだ！？　」という言葉と、
母の「　うつせー！テメーがみんな悪いんだろ！？　」という言葉を、覚えています。

音がやみ、私たち姉弟は部屋を出て母たちの様子を見に行きました。
すると、父が母の上に馬乗りになり押さえつけ、包丁は母の手から落ちて母の手先の方に転がっていました。
私たち姉弟は父に、「　やめて！やめて！　」と泣きながら縋り付きました。
（　どちらが「　良い・悪いじゃない。目の前で母親が倒されていれば、
　　子供の目にはそれが一瞬で全てになってしまいます。　）
父も母も、互いに殴り殴られ、荒い息をお互いに繰り返していました。
父は母に「　手を離すけど、もう、馬鹿なことはしないな？　」と言う様な事を言いました。
母は烈火のごとく怒り、「　馬鹿なこと！？なにが馬鹿なことなんだ！！　」と暴れ出しました。
けれど少しして、母の実母が駆けつけ、一転して話し合いに切り替わりました。
これからしばらくして、両親は離婚をしました。

余談ですが。
父が浮気をしては、母が耐えられなくなると、母は酔っては玄関のガラスをバットで
叩き壊したり、ハデなケンカをすることがありました。
父は麻雀だけでなく、他のギャンブルもしていたので、よく身内に多大な借金をしては、母が肩身の狭い思いをしていたと聞きました。
母はあまり料理をしない人だったので、父は焼き魚や納豆が出てくるだけで、
「　今日はご馳走だな！　」と喜ぶ家庭でした。
週のうち、半分くらいは外食で、あとはバラバラに家にあるものを適当に食べるのが当たり前の家でした。
母は働かない父の代わりに働いていると言っていました。
だから家でまで、家事をしたくないと常々言ってましたので、小学校２～３年生の頃から掃除洗濯をしてくれるお手伝いさんが来てくれるようになりました。
お手伝いさんに余ったご飯で、チャーハンを作ってもらったことがあります。
とても美味しくて、とても悲しく感じていたのを覚えています。
家での母が作る手作り料理は、
焼き魚・ステーキ・しょうが焼き・シャケのバター焼き・すき焼き・納豆・とろろ・冷奴くらいでした。
それでも、月に２～３度、多くても５回くらいしか食べられることはありませんでしたから、お手伝いさんがご飯を作ってくれる気遣いが嬉しいよりも、どこか悲しくて。
時には、違うお手伝いさんが、余ったご飯でおにぎりを作ってくれていたのを覚えていますが、
やっぱりそれも、とても美味しくて、とても泣きたくなるくらい胸が詰まったのを覚えています。